The Ultimate Gift

There in the ground, his body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain.
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave he rose again.

And as he stands in victory,
Sin's curse has lost it's grip on me.
For I am his, and he is mine,
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

Singing in church this morning, I very nearly started bawling. I find it all too easy to get caught up in my own selfish life and forget about what a gift and what a miracle the Cross is. Sin is all too prevalent in my own life. It would be impossible for me to have a relationship with God by my own merit. But God loved me so much that he made a way. And when I pause to consider that this Easter Sunday, I'm overwhelmed with emotion and gratitude. Easter isn't about a fancy ham dinner or chocolate eggs... It's about something so much more profound, so much more valuable.

This year I feel it keenly: my overwhelming need for the Cross, the miracle of the Resurrection and the Promise of a relationship with God and eternity in heaven.

Thank you, Jesus, for doing what I could never do for myself.

Tangible Expressions of Grace

Looking at this picture, you may not think it's anything particularly special. In fact, you've probably seen much better photographs or more beautiful orchids.

This orchid, however, is special.

About a year ago, I bought the orchid when I wanted some flowers to brighten my living room. As I anxiously waited for the buds to open, I was faithful in keeping up with the simple instructions for the orchid's care: three ice cubes a week. Over time, the buds flowered and I got to enjoy beautiful orchids.

The flowers lasted a while, but as time passed, they eventually fell off, and the plant was nothing more than two green shoots. As you can well imagine, there is little incentive to continue caring for a green shoot (the second one withered over time), and I stopped the weekly three ice cube regimen. Throughout the fall, my roommate and I had numerous discussions about throwing out the dead plant, but given our crazy schedules, it never quite made it into the garbage before we left on Christmas vacation.

Since you can see the picture above, you know the end of the story... I came back from vacation to be greeted by three tiny little orchid buds.

Tonight I was having a unique struggle with God. I can hardly complain about what I'm about to divulge: I've never known a time where I didn't know about God's love and grace. This is an absolutely incredible blessing, and the struggle that I face is that it doesn't always seem real and tangible to me. Jesus LOVES me... Yes, I know, I sang the song in Sunday School. Tonight, however, I wanted to know God's love. I wanted to experience it in a new way. As I read through Romans 5 ("while we were still sinners, Christ died for us"), it felt like words on a page that I've read a thousand times before. So I prayed that God would open up my understanding of His grace in a new way.

So he pointed my gaze to the orchid. That orchid was basically left for dead. It had no nourishment, no care, and had lost all of its flowers. I did nothing to help that orchid produce beautiful flowers.

But God took that orchid and created life out of it, beautiful new life. And that's what his grace means in my life. As much as I'd like to think I *try* to be a good, nice, "moral" person, I know deep down that my sinful nature runs deep. I have done nothing to deserve God's goodness in my life.

But that doesn't matter. He's going to create something beautiful in me anyway.

Deserts and Learning to Want What Really Matters

Much of the inspiration for this post comes from a really amazing book I'm reading - A Praying Life: Connecting with God in a Distracting World by Paul E Miller

If I describe what I mean by "going through a desert", you've probably been there. Deserts are those dry, barren places in life where we feel we are facing the same constant struggles. There seems to be no relief from the struggle in terms of desires being fulfilled, nor does there seem to be respite in learning to tame or redirect our desires. And so we find ourselves in this place where we feel trapped: unable to move forward, unable to stop wanting to move forward.

I've been in a desert in one area of my life recently. And if I'm honest, I have to admit that I'm still there. I feel like I don't even want to talk about the struggle any more because I've hashed it out so many times that there's nothing new to add in regard to my struggling. I've begged God to just take it away... why? Because I feel weak.

In fact, I can remember avidly the most recent conversation I had with God: "God, I've got so many things in life that are exciting and going well. I hate this struggle because it makes me feel weak... and I shouldn't feel weak. I have no reason to feel weak."

And God said, "exactly."

He brings us through these deserts to teach us to lean on Him, to depend on Him and to surrender to Him.

For the last year of my life, I've viewed God through the Santa Claus lens: he works everything out for my good. I can even quote Bible verses that suggest that God's up there pulling the strings so that things will go my way. I can view setbacks as God working out a better plan for my life.

And I do believe that God is in control.

However, I don't think that God's ultimate plan for my life is focused around me becoming CEO of a Fortune 500 company or having a house in the suburbs with a golden retriever and 2.4 kids. In fact, I don't think God's ultimate plan for my life involves anything on this earth at all. God's desire for me is to draw me closer to Him - to have a relationship with Him. And when things start going our way, it's easy to forget about Him and start to think that things are going my way because I've worked hard and I deserve them.

God uses the deserts to remind us what really matters. He uses the deserts to remind us that the only thing that will ultimately fulfill us is Him.

And in that way, deserts are the ultimate blessing.

Hindsight

They say hindsight is a beautiful thing. But maybe it isn't... After all, while I'm entirely certain that time travel has never been done before, every movie that explores that idea has shown us that it isn't a good idea.

Back to the Future... We learned that to go back in time and change one event can set in motion an entire chain of events that completely changes the future: the good things and the bad things. Same with the Butterfly Effect. I haven't seen the movie yet, but here's "The Scoop" from starseeker.com: "A young man suffering from the psychological effects of childhood memories finds a way to travel back in time to exist in his childhood body, but each trip back only makes the problem worse as his actions in the past have unintended consequences on the present."

I could continue trying to convince you, but movies have taught us our lesson: changing bad things in the past will change good things in the future.

And so why is it that I constantly look back and say, "I wish I would have made a different choice back then"?

We have something more to go by than movies. God promises that all things work together for good (Romans 8:28). He also promises that struggles and trials are completely inevitable (John 16:33). Do you really want to go back in time and trade the set of struggles you have now for a completely different set of struggles? Because there's no way we can escape them.

There is one thing we can do with the difficult times that come our way. We can learn from them, and use them to draw us closer to God. I know it sounds cheesy, but it's so true. And the longer I fight that truth, the longer I stay in the rut that struggles bring. Because here's the reality: we can't go back in time. We can only work with the present. We can only change the decisions we haven't yet made.

They say hindsight is a beautiful thing. And maybe it is... but not when we look back and say, "If only." Hindsight is a beautiful thing when we can see that the only reason we are who we are today is because of those hard times. Hindsight is a beautiful thing when we realize that a lot of the good in our lives is there only because of the bad. Hindsight is a beautiful thing when we can look back and see the hand of God shaping us into the beautiful people that we are today.

Eggs or Bacon?

In an episode of Grey's Anatomy which I only vaguely recall, a man struggling in his relationship to his lover was presented with the difference between eggs and bacon. The egg represents only a small sacrifice from the chicken. But the bacon represents a total sacrifice from the pig. In Grey's Anatomy, the man decided that he wanted to be a pig instead of a chicken, and committed to a relationship with his girlfriend.

I can't help but think that a relationship with God presents the same set of decisions. My faith can most definitely be categorized as "chicken Christianity." I do give my time and money, and attempt to live out disciplined faith and love others. I spend my Sunday mornings in church, worshiping God, but as I listen to the sermon each Sunday, I am confronted with the reality that what God REALLY desires is that I become a pig.

Before I continue - I want to clarify something. My faith is based on GRACE, and not actions. My standing with God does not depend on what I do. BUT, my relationship with God, like any relationship, is dependent on what I'm willing to put into it.

The truth is that I'm afraid to be a pig. I think I live a chicken life that is more like a free range chicken life - comfortable. Despite everything I know and believe about God, I somehow think that if I choose to sacrifice my own life, that I'll become miserable and impoverished.

The great irony is that I really, truly believe that God knows me better than I know myself AND that he loves me very much. Put those together, and am I not better off turning my life away from my own messed-up intentions and putting it into his very capable hands? The reality is that living a life that is characterized by sacrifice will be much better for me than a life characterized simply by giving. A life of sacrifice may call for us to give up everything, but in doing so, we gain the one thing that is truly eternal and truly matters in life - a solid relationship with God.

So, I leave with you the same challenge that I face myself: are you giving God eggs or bacon?

Crazy Love

There's a book downloaded to my Kindle that I've been told I absolutely HAVE to read, but it petrifies me.

I remember the first time that I realized that following Jesus wasn't simply about saying the "sinner's prayer" and accepting grace and forgiveness. It was while I was taking a class on the gospels in Bible college... it was undeniable that Jesus called his followers to deny themselves, pick up their crosses and follow him.

For a while, this lesson resonated deep within me. I yearned to be a part of Christ's inner circle, a part of that core group of believers who really lived in a "sold out" way.

But then something happened. Perhaps it was my struggles in the not-for-profit industry. Perhaps it was just that love for God, like love in any relationship, loses the gimmicky addictive feel and settles into something comfortable and predictable. Whatever it is, there is very little in my life that gives evidence of being "sold out." (Perhaps sell out would be a more accurate descriptor...)

All that said, I am afraid to read this book. The first chapter was relatively harmless. But I'm afraid that once I delve further, things will need to change. I may need to give up things I like.

But maybe, just maybe, the God of the universe is worth taking that chance for.

River of Justice

The first time I flipped open to the book of Amos was most likely a joke. Someone had asked which book of the Bible we should study and I figured Amos was the most obscure suggestion. But when I read Amos, it struck a chord with me.

First, there were the obvious parallels between modern North American society and the state of the Israelites at the time. The Israelites were living comfortably. It was one of the periods of Old Testament history during which they hadn't been invaded and things were going well. Although the "Western world" is technically going through a recession, I still feel as though we live really comfortable lives. Meanwhile, there are people in the world who are not so lucky. In many ways, our western affluence really even exploits these people.

Another point about the Israelites that resonated with me was the paying of lip service. The Israelites were very much tied to doing the right religious things. This is something that is very pervasive, especially in the American South. Someone brought up the story in our ethics class about Westboro Baptist Church boycotting the funeral of a fallen marine. I wish that I could claim such incidents were relegated to the ranks of the extremists, but I know that I am guilty enough of putting "religion" before justice and mercy.

Amos pleads with the Israelites to pursue justice over religion. I think this call can resonate with us today. The focus of our faith should not be on doing church or religion, but about pursuing God's heart and loving as He loves. We are called to love our neighbour and to take care of the poorest of the poor.